Vixen
by moonswirl
Summary: Gleekathon, day four hundred and twenty-four:  reindeer 4/8  Emma didn't notice how much being with Carl had changed her for the better.


_Started my daily ficlets to make the hiatus pass, then decided to keep going with a 2nd cycle, and then a 3rd, 4th, etc through 20th cycle. Now cycle 21! (I realized I didn't fix this line throughout the whole of cycle 20! *smacks forehead*)_

_So as I did it **last year (days 52 through 63)**, I wanted to do something Christmas-y, but not overly so. Last year I used the song of "**The Twelve Days of Christmas**", and this year I used... **Santa's Reindeers**! So the stories in and of themselves aren't Christmas-themed, just the title that inspired them is ;) You'll see :)_

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**"Vixen"  
Emma, Carl/Emma **

She hadn't noticed the change, not until Will had started pointing it out to her… She was just as surprised as he was, if not more, but still it didn't make her feel at all the way she thought it would… surprised, but not at all concerned. She had changed, enough that she was okay with it being changed… It was part of who she was now.

Carl had been a surprise, too, also a good one. He had been something different; she fell for him, and never did she have to feel guilty or to doubt him… It made it all so much easier on her, and so perhaps this was the feeling which had allowed for these little and big changes.

This didn't mean she was a whole other woman. She wasn't suddenly going to leave things in complete disarray because her heart had grown in a frenzy. She liked having things in order because it made sense. She had every right in the world to like things a certain way; it was cleanliness, nothing more. She was still following the majority of her personal rules, except she had started to accept there may have been some place for… flexibility. Oh, sure, she'd still run for the showers if something was spilled or stuck or slung or… spewed… on her. But then there were things like the crusts on her sandwiches, or… Rocky Horror.

She had to admit, at first when Carl had suggested it, she was doubtful. A crowded movie theater, with sticky floors growing stickier by the minute, thanks to all the things being thrown about… That seemed like a danger zone for her if ever there was one. She had always wanted to go, deep down, ever since she'd heard about it, but then in her mind she could see all the problems, so it became as good as black marked. She'd tried to reproduce it once, from the comfort and security of her living room, with her brother. It was… well, it was an unmitigated disaster. Her brother didn't want to be there; he saw no interest in the movie. The only way she'd convinced him was by telling him he could throw things… He threw one toast and she screeched… There had ended her beautiful little Rocky Horror dream…

She had told Carl the story, and he had flashed his gorgeous pearly white smile. He took her hands then, and… they spoke. They interrogated one another on favorite bits, favorite lines, songs… He told her about his own experience at one of these showings, and just… sitting there, hearing him go on about it as he held her hands… That's when she made the decision they could go, would go… and she'd be alright because he'd be there, keeping her safe.

He could tell she was nervous, as they arrived, because he took her hand in his. He told her they would leave if it got to be too much; she just had to say the word. But, even as he was telling her this, she was shaking her head already: she was going to make it through. She'd wanted it for so long, and now it was time she got her with granted.

It was magical… such a thrill, like she had never experienced. And there was the best part… It wasn't the movie, the participation, or even Carl, even if that was a great part of it, too. No, the best parts were the things that weren't there… Fear, panic, complete nervous breakdown… She realized, even more so than before, just how much time she had spent in her life being afraid of living… That was what it all felt like to her now… Like she'd just stayed in this tiny bubble, thinking that was all she'd ever need, but now she'd finally become willing to explore… so much exploration she could have done… so much she'd missed on…

Whatever Carl had done to get her there, she'd always be so grateful to him, more than he could ever know. Because now that she had been shown these changes, it was clear she had become a new woman… and this new woman was not at all scary like old Emma had thought she'd be. She was still a lot of this old Emma, but she had evolved… butterfly out of the cocoon.

Now old fears had changed, but with them there came a new one… Would it stick? Would she continue to grow, to fly, or would she remember she couldn't fly, and plummet, fast, faster to the ground and further below? Carl had been so good to her, but what would he do if she retreated even more into her tiny bubble world of sanitation and disinfection?

Why did they have to point out the change to her? She would have been so much more at ease if she didn't have to concern herself on the 'what if.' It was silly; she was a grown woman, it shouldn't have been a problem, but she'd spent so much time being one way, so she could hardly be faulted for having certain transitional issues.

She'd be alright. It was a new perspective, and she did like it. This new woman may not have been a regular daredevil by most people's standards, but by those of the old Emma Pillsbury, she was miles ahead. Some things had been shed along the way, not all of them by complete Will… willpower… Some things she would never regret losing, but others… others, no matter what, she would always recall with some regret, for how they ended up. But she was happy, so she wouldn't hang on too tight. She was moving on, with so much new ground outside her bubble…

THE END

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**A/N: This is a one-shot ficlet, which means that signing up for story alert will not bring you any alerts.  
****In the event of a sequel, the story will be separate from this one. And as chapter stories go, they are  
****always clearly indicated as such [ex: "Days 204-210" in the summary] Thank you!**


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